Red Journal Poems 

Now I Stand

“The ocean sways with thoughts of yesterday, it moves by a blink of an

eye. You said lets go, when I knew it was time for goodbye. You always 

went against the grain, choosing the path of conformity. You felt so alone,

pushing me to join, but I don’t belong, I will be alright over here.”

My 2:00 am

“I’m asking you to leave because, do you know what it’s like

to dream a dream worth re-living? You want it to be real, you tighten your

eyes, shutting the door to reality, not wanting to wake up. You tell

yourself it’s your life, this is you, who you always wanted to become.

Please don’t take it away, I don’t feel pain this way. It’s the only time

those feelings disappear. It doesn’t last long, so please, please don’t take

my 2:00am away.”

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Handmade Watercolor Cards 

I’ve been making Encouragement cards, with water colors & oil pastels. The ones below are all watercolor with some acrylic paint as accents. The painting is done for these, still need to add sayings to some of them. The clothes-pins are just for the purpose of taking the photos. Going to make some ‘Thank you’ and ‘Just because’ cards soon.

#1

#2 Front View

#2 Back View

#3 Front View

#3 Back View

#4 Front View

#4 Back View

#5

#6 Front View

#6 Back View

#7

Looking back with a smile

I laid awake last night listening to the drops of rain outside my window, and the rumbles of thunder shaking the ground. As I laid there, you entered my thoughts, I remembered a particular night similar to this, we had the screen door open, letting that sweet smell of rain in, listening to the drops hit the concrete. We cuddled watching a movie, and munched on our favorite candy, orchard flavored skittles. I miss your laugh, your sweet smile, and our late night conversations filled with giggles. More than anything I miss my best friend, that’s been the hardest, you became my partner in crime.

I’m glad I can remember the good times, and look back with a smile. I think of you less & less each day, hurting less when I think of how things ended, and the pain we both caused each other. I will always care about you, and hold a special place for you in my heart, I pray for you, I only want you to be happy. I cherish the times we had. Even though you think because I ended things, those memories and feelings no longer mean anything, they do. You will always be the first one I said those three delicate little words to. I’m grateful for our love, and don’t regret anything, because it taught me a lot, hopefully for both of us. It didn’t end in the way we thought when we first started dating, but it ended for the best.

Photography: Comfort behind the lens

When I lived in California I would go to Del Mar beach as much as I could, with my camera in tow. I was taking a photography class so I finally had an excuse for taking so many pictures. Being behind the camera has always made me feel safe, I remember feeling lost, restless, confused and just walking along the beach thinking. The fresh air and the sound of the crashing waves calmed me, I felt a sense of peace near the ocean. I let my camera lead the way, following whatever caught my fancy. I often walked near the train tracks taking pictures from up above the beach. It may sound unusual but the sound of trains/coasters relaxed me, a sense of distraction from my thoughts.

I found beauty, and joy in everyday surroundings. A coaster may not be much to some people, but to others it signifies hope, hope in a new day, a fresh start, hope of meeting new people, hope of a better day when they reach their destinations.

Photography gives me a feeling of hope, focus, contentment. The world around me seems less scary through my lens.

I would spend hours at the beach staring off into the vast ocean in awe of God’s beautiful creation. I loved the reflection of the sun glistening on the warm sand, as the waves crashed over the various colored stones washed ashore. Looking back at these photos it makes me appreciate the small things, the joy i found watching the birds leave their little prints in the sand as they wandered the beach. the simple satisfaction of watching the waves continuously swoosh back and forth for hours.

A gorgeous sunset over the pristine blue ocean. I remember my exact feelings of loneliness, and not knowing my place in the world. Life passing me by, as I stood still. In a moment it all shifted, with a change in perspective, and a press of a round black button the world stopped. Those insecurities disappeared in that moment.