Recently I have realized how much I talk more than I actually do. I have about 10 dozen excuses wrapped in pretty pink bows, ready for every occasion. The enemy has been swooping in during times of being too tired to read my bible, too distracted by my own thoughts to pray. Blinded by constant comparisons of where I think I should be at my age, that I forget to be grateful for how far I’ve come.
When I’m in the midst of a rough season, I find myself not relying fully on Jesus. I’m good at talking about doing it when things are fine and dandy, but when life loses its sweetness and the enemy throws SUV sized negative thought bubbles my direction… I have a tendency to take matters upon myself. Of course by that I mean I roll up in a ball exhausted and overwhelmed. I know I can’t do life without Him, so why do I constantly leave Him out by my excuses?
When a curveball is thrown, I act as if Jesus isn’t enough. How can that be? Jesus is certainly more than enough, so why do my actions show otherwise? One of the biggest lies the enemy has played repeat many a times in my life, is my battle with depression/anxiety. It is an encapsulating fog that leaves me feeling trapped, momentarily believing God can’t get me through this. The even bigger lie, was thinking my depression went away or that I was done struggling with it. It’s something I have to accept as something I do and will struggle with, but I’m trying to view it as God using those dark times to draw me closer to Him. One gift from it is meeting other people who wrestle with the same issues, reminding us we aren’t alone and that we need people during those times.
Thoughts still processing… More to come.