Your Love Blossoms Me Anew 

Raised to love you, grew to know you, slowly influenced away, and then all at once. Without force, or guilt your love for me has always been honest, and pure. You knew I would take the brush to paint my own lines in life, covering my empty spaces with one mistake after another. Losing sight of the big picture, I painted myself further from you. You loved me just the same.

You were always there, but you never smothered your love upon me, you watched as I blended into the darkness. As I underestimated my self worth, catching the attention of the unworthy. I stood out for being the loud opinonated girl, I should have been known for shouting your praises. Instead of standing up for you, I fell into the shadows of the crowd. I craved the compliments on the outside to distract from the bitter brokenness on the inside. You loved me just the same.

Something always felt missing. I was constantly searching for myself, losing pieces of my heart in the process. When the world takes what it wants leaving my remains, you take me as I am. When all my ears hear are whispers telling me my pieces are forever lost, your presence silences the lies. Your love is enough to make my heart whole again. I will always live with the consequences of the jagged path I carved, but you take those indiscretions and allow them to blossom into something better. You love me just the same.

Your love blossoms me anew. Your arms gently carry me from the enemy. Though I will be continually tempted, you give me the strength to overcome. Though I will continue to stumble, you will guide me through. Without you, I don’t have a purpose. Without your love, I would never strive to be anything better. Without you loving us first, how would we truly know how to love? I fought the truth you always held, my heart is designed to love you, Lord. My love for you will never be the same.

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Handmade Watercolor Cards 

I’ve been making Encouragement cards, with water colors & oil pastels. The ones below are all watercolor with some acrylic paint as accents. The painting is done for these, still need to add sayings to some of them. The clothes-pins are just for the purpose of taking the photos. Going to make some ‘Thank you’ and ‘Just because’ cards soon.

#1

#2 Front View

#2 Back View

#3 Front View

#3 Back View

#4 Front View

#4 Back View

#5

#6 Front View

#6 Back View

#7

Healthy Breakfast Bowls 

After looking at my breakfast choices, I realize I probably need to switch it up a little more. These are just so yummy. What are some of your breakfast favorites?

Oats, raspberries, blueberries, peaches, hemp seed, chia seed, and almond milk.

 

 

Oats, peaches, blueberries, hemp seed, chia seed, and almond milk.

 

Oats, fresh figs, blueberries, hemp seed, chia seed, silvers of almonds, and almond milk.

 

Photography: Comfort behind the lens

When I lived in California I would go to Del Mar beach as much as I could, with my camera in tow. I was taking a photography class so I finally had an excuse for taking so many pictures. Being behind the camera has always made me feel safe, I remember feeling lost, restless, confused and just walking along the beach thinking. The fresh air and the sound of the crashing waves calmed me, I felt a sense of peace near the ocean. I let my camera lead the way, following whatever caught my fancy. I often walked near the train tracks taking pictures from up above the beach. It may sound unusual but the sound of trains/coasters relaxed me, a sense of distraction from my thoughts.

I found beauty, and joy in everyday surroundings. A coaster may not be much to some people, but to others it signifies hope, hope in a new day, a fresh start, hope of meeting new people, hope of a better day when they reach their destinations.

Photography gives me a feeling of hope, focus, contentment. The world around me seems less scary through my lens.

I would spend hours at the beach staring off into the vast ocean in awe of God’s beautiful creation. I loved the reflection of the sun glistening on the warm sand, as the waves crashed over the various colored stones washed ashore. Looking back at these photos it makes me appreciate the small things, the joy i found watching the birds leave their little prints in the sand as they wandered the beach. the simple satisfaction of watching the waves continuously swoosh back and forth for hours.

A gorgeous sunset over the pristine blue ocean. I remember my exact feelings of loneliness, and not knowing my place in the world. Life passing me by, as I stood still. In a moment it all shifted, with a change in perspective, and a press of a round black button the world stopped. Those insecurities disappeared in that moment.

Red Journal: Decisions influenced by fear

  

  

I never thought I would get past the words written in this journal. Words driven by fear, anxiousness, emptiness, confusion, and countless tears pouring out onto the crisp white pages. I wrestled with the fear of being alone, and doubting my existence. My mind dripped with despair, my heart literally ached. The only way to feel some relief was writing out my thoughts, and praying. I constantly wrote about what I wanted, characteristics I desired in the allusive perfect man, and where I wanted to be in life. The only problem was, I was just writing my concerns, fears down, I wasn’t giving them to God, and actively seeking Him.

Why is being alone such a huge fear in young women? It was a question I often wrestled with, and it may not be true for every woman of course, but how often do we make decisions influenced by our fears? Fears of being alone, fears of failure, fears of rejection? Fear of (add your own here)

A few of my past fears:
Forgetting who I am.
Settling for less than I deserve.
Not being good enough.
Staying still, never feeling alive.

If I had realized that being alone isn’t a bad thing, it’s okay to not be in a relationship or have a man in your life. Just because you don’t have someone constantly reminding you of your beauty or accomplishments, it doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy. We are worthy in the eyes of God. I was in a relationship a few years ago with someone out of the fear of being alone, but also the fear of being left with my feelings. My feelings of regret, emptiness, shame, if I was with someone who made me laugh, and told me how beautiful I was, maybe those feelings would go away? How dumb was I to think that?? I was stuck in a rut of looking for temporary happiness, I was attracted to receiving shallow attention.  I needed internal growth, I didn’t need to grow from experiences of bad relationships, and wrong decisions. Although I certainly have, but I needed to turn to God during those experiences, seeking Him with my brokenness, not covering up my wounds with more dramatic relationship problems.